The Conversation You Can’t Afford to Put Off
When someone you love is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, your first thoughts probably aren't about wills, powers of attorney or legal documents. You're thinking about the person you love. What happens next? How quickly will things change? What kind of help will they need? And how will our family get through this together?
Those are natural questions. But after more than 35 years practicing law and helping families throughout the New Orleans area with wills, powers of attorney, successions and estate planning, there is another conversation I encourage families to have sooner rather than later: What does your loved one want to happen when the day comes that he or she can no longer make important decisions independently?
It's not an easy conversation. But planning is much easier when families begin before there is a crisis. With Alzheimer's and other dementias, waiting can eventually take choices away from the very person whose wishes you're trying to protect.
A Diagnosis Doesn't Take Away Their Voice
An Alzheimer's diagnosis does not automatically mean someone can no longer participate in legal decisions. If your loved one has the legal capacity required for a particular decision or document, he or she should be part of the planning.
Your mother may know exactly whom she trusts to handle her finances. Your father may have strong feelings about the medical care he would want. Your spouse may know exactly who should speak on his or her behalf if that becomes necessary.
Giving them the opportunity to tell you is important because dementia changes over time. The conversation your family can have today may become much more difficult later.
Start With the Conversation
People sometimes come into my office thinking estate planning is all about paperwork. The paperwork certainly matters, but good planning begins with a conversation.
Who does your loved one trust? Who should handle financial matters if they eventually cannot? Who should make healthcare decisions? What are their wishes about medical treatment? Do they already have a will, power of attorney or living will? And when was the last time those documents were reviewed?
You don't have to answer every question in one afternoon. These can be emotional conversations, and families may need time to think about what they've discussed. The important thing is to begin while your loved one can still participate meaningfully.
Several legal documents may become important. A durable power of attorney can authorize a trusted person to handle financial and other matters. A healthcare power of attorney can identify who should make medical decisions when someone is no longer able to do so. A living will can communicate wishes involving certain medical and end-of-life decisions, while a standard will addresses what happens to someone's estate after death.
Depending on the circumstances, other estate-planning tools may also be appropriate. Caregivers don't need to become legal experts. What families do need to understand is that these decisions are much easier to address while the person living with dementia can still tell everyone what he or she wants.
Choosing the right people is just as important as preparing the right documents. Someone entrusted with financial or healthcare responsibilities should be trustworthy, responsible and willing to honor your loved one's wishes. It's also wise to consider a backup because families and circumstances change.
Existing documents deserve another look, too. A will or power of attorney prepared 10 or 15 years ago may no longer reflect someone's wishes today. Relationships change. Circumstances change. Sometimes the person we trusted years ago isn't the person we would choose now.
Don't Wait for a Crisis
I understand why families put this off. Nobody particularly wants to sit around the kitchen table talking about incapacity, declining health or what happens at the end of life. There always seems to be another day to deal with it.
Unfortunately, dementia doesn't work according to our timetable.
If someone eventually loses the legal capacity required to execute important documents and adequate planning hasn't occurred, the family's options can become more limited. In some circumstances, court involvement may become necessary. That can mean additional time, expense and stress for a family already carrying a tremendous emotional load.
Planning ahead won't make Alzheimer's easy. But it can remove some uncertainty from the road ahead. It can help families understand who will make decisions, reduce the possibility of disagreements and, most importantly, preserve the wishes of the person living with the disease.
If Alzheimer's or another dementia has entered your family's life, don't begin by worrying about every legal document you might eventually need. Begin with the person you love. Sit down together, ask what they want and listen carefully. Then get appropriate legal guidance and put the plans in place that are right for your family.
Because someday your family may have to make decisions for someone you love.
Today, you may still have the opportunity to make those decisions with them.
About
H. Patrick Rooney, Esq. is Managing Partner of Southern Legal Clinics, which is a private, local, family run law firm, and he has practiced law for more than 35 years. A lifelong New Orleanian and graduate of LSU Law School, his law practice includes wills, powers of attorney, successions, probate and estate planning. He and Southern Legal have spent decades helping families throughout Southeast Louisiana navigate some of life's most important legal decisions.
H. Patrick Rooney, Esq, Southern Legal Clinics, 3200 Ridgelake Drive, Suite 204, Metairie, LA 70002 | 504-455-4185 | pat@southernlegalclinics.com
This article provides general educational information and is not intended as legal advice. Laws and individual circumstances vary. Families should consult an attorney regarding their particular situation.